Would you ever straight up say to your son, ‘You are a disappointment’?
I would if they turned out conservative.
No, unless they became a pedophile, serial killer, rapist or something extreme like that
Or an influencer.
depends on what they do. theres 2 types, a rich influencer (the most common as most of them tend to come from upper middle class and beyond) and the “semi not come from money ones”. if they produce greed slop likes of mr beast or become a uninformed political influencer than that would be a disappointment.
Being a pedophile isn’t a choice, it’s a psychological dysfunction. Acting on that impulse is a crime and something to be punished - or treated in a medical facility.
Thank you for saying that. I have worked with MAPs (minor attracted people), and majority of them do not want to offend, and understand they can never act on their desires. They were actively seeking treatment and felt suicidal because of their attraction.
Also I learned that about half (?) of sexual acts on minors aren’t even done by people with pedophilia but because the victims seemed to be vulnerable - so less likely to fight back or tell someone.
I am not sure about the actual numbers, but what you describe absolutely happens, more often than people realize. These fucks go after vulnerable people.
I dont care. If my hypothetical son that will never be born turns into a pedophile and has sex with children, then i will call them a dissapointment.
wouldnt that be the fault of the parent for not monitoring the upbring of thier children.
probably i dunno, i hate kids
Yesterday I said to my son “I’m disappointed in you for not catching that fish” (he came so close to catching his target prize fish but it got away).
I felt pretty bad and didn’t mean it one bit, I just said it the wrong way around because i was exhausted. Then I spent the next five minutes explaining that I’m absolutely not disappointed in him and that he is an awesome fisherman and that what i really meant to say was that I was disappointed FOR him that he didn’t catch the fish that he had been trying so hard to catch for months.
Oh wow that’s a hard one to fix but good job on trying. At the beginning of your comment I was like wtf that’s not his fault!
I feel like this would be my mindset. Like you’re bummed out or disappointed that a certain action wasn’t successful, but you’re not upset with the person just the event in general.
My kids are still quite young but I’ve already had to catch myself mid-sentence and reword or rethink how I say certain things. It’s hard because at work we’re all cursing like sailors but at home we don’t want anything like that around the kids…to the best of our abilities.
No, but I would say something like “I am very dissapointed in you for doing X”. A kid can’t change who they “are”, but they can change what they “do”.
This is a key distinction. To make sure they understand it properly, I usually push it even further to “You did a disappointing thing.”
Those are the same things. You are what you do.
If you don’t want to be X, than don’t do X.
Correlation is not causation
we’re talking about people dude. we are not talking about scientific principles.
people claim want to be healthy and then engage in unhealthy behaviors. they are unhealthy. what they do is what defines them, not what they desire to be.
Yes we are talking about people. People can be held accountable for their actions and people can change their ways if they make mistakes. You’re saying that people cannot change. If they bought a tesla, they’re nazis, so fuck them.
I’m not saying any of that. But please keep telling me more about myself. Clearly you know everything…
That’s the point though. I’m not telling you anything about yourself. I’m telling you about what you’re saying. I’m not assuming anything about who you are or aren’t.
No, you are misrepresenting what I’m saying to make it look extreme and stupid. It’s called straw-manning.
You can choose and change what you do.
You can’t choose or change what you are.
If you get confused about do / be just refer back to those rules and you’ll know which one applies.
Hell no.
I would send him the following:
I’d be quick to change my ways if Mr. Incredible said that to me
Bruh I’m an Asian son and I’ve been on the receiving end of these words 💀
Edit: To answer the question. No wtf I’m never gonna say these type of things to my children (if I ever have children)
if they were hateful. punching down types. maga. racists. yeah, yeah, I would.
My dad said he was disappointed. I sat him down, looked him in his eyes and said, “Hi, Disappointed. I’m Son!”
It’s extremely hard to imagine but yeah there are lines.
If they were disappointing, maybe. Like I’m not gonna lie and say I’d love my kid even if they turned out to be a racist, sexist, nazi piece of shit. But I mean, I’d also be disappointed in myself for raising such a bastard.
But would they be a disappointment or would you be disappointed in them? Meaning: should they cease to exist, or should their actions cease to exist? Maybe I’m looking at it wrong, but, to me, that’s the difference between “being a disappointment” and “bring disappointing”.
I wouldn’t call any child, as a human, a disappointment, but I believe there are some rare occasions where their actions should be framed as disappointing.
Label the action disappointing, explain the reasoning that led to that conclusion, and explain how it could affect the future for both the parents and the child. Communication is key, and also try to leave some room for the child to grow. The less often you call something disappointing, the more powerful it can be, and can be used as a way to seriously correct behavior.
No. That’s a terrible name!
No. “Being a disappointing,” yes. “A disappointment,” no.
The difference is one is a fixable behaviour, and the other is an identity.
Yeah, if he came home sporting a maga hat or a Charlie Kirk t-shirt or something.
I’m raising my kid to be smart and to care about others. So really I’d be disappointed in myself for not being a better teacher.No.
I might, if what they did were severe enough, express that what they did is disappointing. But that’s different from branding them with the iron of disappointment-as-identity. Everyone does stuff sometimes that is worse than they aspire to be. The trick is coming back from it, learning and growing and changing.
I remember how it felt the day I asked my mom, after she had screamed at me and hit me a bunch for stuff she made up about me, “what did I ever do to you to make you hate me this much?”, and she screamed back “YOU WERE BORN!” And I believed she meant it, because none of this was out of character.
I was 12.
No kid should ever feel the hopelessness and abandonment I felt in that moment.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
Thanks. It wasn’t the worst thing she did, but it was particularly crystallizing.
I’ve done a lot of work on healing from it since. I’ve got a kid now, and it’s been healing to live every day in a way that shows that you totally can just love your kid and not have to treat them like that.
Totally. Break the cycle. Proud of you.
