edit: the date isn’t happening anymore. he texted me asking if we could change the venue as he realized he can’t really afford that restaurant at the moment (???, why was this realization so last minute) & i told him no worries i can pay for everything. he told me no way i could ever let a girl pay, it’s not fair to the girl and also “emasculating” to him. hate that attitude. called it off and cut contact. thank u, next.
So I hit this guy up on Insta, and we’ve been chatting for the past few days, calling and video calling and all that. Tonight he’s taking me out to dinner; just a date, nothing more. I talk to my parents about everything, and they told me to observe his behavior but keep an open mind.
Can we please not demean the horrors of child sexual abuse by conflating it with two concenting adults going on a date, even if you find the age gap icky.
please tell me exactly what part of my comment conflates anything with child sexual abuse
The part where you call someone going on a date with an 18 year old a paedophile.
do you have kids? are you totally cool with your daughter going out with someone who’s closer to your age than to hers? the fact that so many people in here are cheering on this person over 30 hooking up with someone under 20 is really fucked up to me
I don’t see anyone cheering. I see people debating the ethics and morality of the situation.
Your feelings about your daughter are valid. You are more than welcome to use every tool at your disposal to ensure that she doesn’t date older men. This is expected; you are there to protect her. But don’t expect everyone to feel the same way. Many younger women look for an older, financially stable man. Many older men are willing to enter long-term committed relationships and financially provide for a younger woman.
If you want your daughter to avoid this situation, make sure she’s well-educated and independent. Instead of coddling her, challenge her to achieve her goals and excel in her field.
You may be shocked to learn that there are positions available between loving the idea of your adult daughter going on a date with someone 10 years older than her and screaming “pedo!” at them.
fair enough. i’ll concede maybe the 33 year old dating the 18 year old isn’t necessarily a “pedo”
18 vs 33 is NOT 10 years. why would you try to change OPs situation into a 10 year age gap, when it’s literally 15 years? and before you say “what’s the big deal,” try that argument with a 30 yr old dating a 15 yr old-- same age gap, only 3 years difference-- what’s the big deal?
look, i usually don’t chime in on violet’s posts with old people advice, but in this case she specifically asked for advice, and my advice to ANY woman under 25 is this-- be very wary of dudes 15 years older than you trying to get in your pants. take it or leave it
Thats fine, I’d agree with that advice, though I dont think its a 100% never ever do this under any situation.
My sole point was that a young woman going on an ill advised date should not be mixed up with children being raped, which is what you were doing by calling someone going on a date with an 18 year old a pedo. That would apply if the man in question was 28 or 68.
you are correct in that 18 is technically “legal.” barely. my position is still that under 25 = kid, without the life experience to realize how fucking creepy it is for someone over 30 to pursue a teenager. again, subtract one year from each side (32 yr old dating 17 yr old), and your argument based solely on “legal age” no longer works.
ultimately OP does what she wants regardless, and it looks like the date is off, which makes me glad. as an old guy, i know guys, and i know the type of guy who actively goes after the youngest possible women. they are best avoided