edit: the date isn’t happening anymore. he texted me asking if we could change the venue as he realized he can’t really afford that restaurant at the moment (???, why was this realization so last minute) & i told him no worries i can pay for everything. he told me no way i could ever let a girl pay, it’s not fair to the girl and also “emasculating” to him. hate that attitude. called it off and cut contact. thank u, next.
So I hit this guy up on Insta, and we’ve been chatting for the past few days, calling and video calling and all that. Tonight he’s taking me out to dinner; just a date, nothing more. I talk to my parents about everything, and they told me to observe his behavior but keep an open mind.
I’m 40 (1985). I’ve had my experiences with older guys hitting on me when I was your age. I can tell you that, in my experience, the reason why men like that won’t date in their own age group is because women their age see the red flags more clearly or won’t put up with their bullshit.
Here are some things he might do to look out for: Does he try to impress you with things that are achievements for your age group but should be normal for his? Having a car, having their own apartment, having money to take you out etc. Maybe he’ll offer to drive you places or stay at his place to get away from your parents.
Does he comment a lot on your age and experience level. Things like “Have you already done (alcohol, sex…)”, “I’ve done XYZ, but you wouldn’t know about it”. Or does he act overly impressed by you ‘already’ knowing something, like music from his teenage years, having a job or just some common knowledge he thinks is “adult”, maybe about cars or jobs. Basically, does he act like you are special, more mature for your age or does he talk about your age a lot.
Even if he doesn’t do any of these things, I’d advice you against it. The age gap is too big. The world of an 18 year old who just got out of school is just very different from a 33 year old who is working a job. Having a few hobbies or music taste in common isn’t the same as being in the same place in life.
Definitely not why an older guy dates a young girl imo.
Women in their early 30s want babies ASAP (at least that was my experience on dating apps back before I was married and long before 40.) Older people generally have more mental health issues from all the trauma of life, plus by 30s they’ve been through a bad relationship or two… which makes everything more complicated with baggage.
Younger people have more energy, more libido, are more open to experience, do not have the baggage and trauma… Nobody had any problems when I was dating a woman who was about 50 when I was in my 20s. The sex was great and her libido was wild. She had her shit figured out and was very patient with me and a wonderful partner for the time we spent together… but she was dating 18 year olds before she met me.
There’s obviously the whole looks thing too.
I’m in my 40s, if I got a divorce for some reason there’s no way i’d get back into a serious relationship. I’d want something casual and fun. I would probably be going for someone late 20s/early 30s who didn’t want kids though because I like people who have an idea of who they really are.