Damn fine color

Where the fuck did that cat go?

No, Colonel Sanders. YOU’RE wrong! Mama’s right!

Stole your fucking sandwich. Wasn’t even hungry, just wanted to feel something. Didn’t eat it… Kept it in my drawer until my coworkers started to complain, and then I hid it in Janice’s desk.

Finally felt fucking alive again. Alive enough to eat the 34 erasers from the supplies cabinet.

Nope. Feeling a way about how others should treat your body is never over the top. Rules is rules and rule-breakers get to walk home all sad-face.

I hope you had a good time in the end!

I think you might be onto something. All of my dumbfuck fellow Texans aren’t answering many questions these days on how they feel about the new Iran war. The ones who talk say that Kamala would have done the same thing.

B-b-but, isn’t that why you voted for the peaceful never-war president??? Good God, I wonder what else he may have lied about!!!

Just like alligators. They’re so ornery because they have all them teeth and no toothbrush

I said it was because the mammals were better at hiding and all the dinosaurs ate each other

Have you tested using controls to find out if your life was improved by the pizza vs the bagel?

Samesies! I’m fully sober when I do shit like that, so that I can regret it extra hard.

I highly doubt an AI agent that’s ready to suggest nuking everyone

That Nazi CEO swore up and down that we could inhabit Mars if we just nuked the crap out of it. AI doesn’t have the ability to come up with these kinds of statements on its own, which means that it was fed content with people already identifying nukes as a solution to anything.

The nuking issue is less of an off-the-rails Matrix kinda situation, and more of a “I learned it by watching our CEOs!”

Why would they have a second pejorative for someone who is excessively overbo?

-the barista staring blankly at me in hopes that I’ll just answer how much mocha syrup I wanted-

Is there a barista here? Cuz this roast just got dark!

Nah, already got banned from life. Try banning from death, let’s see what fresh new horror we raise.

I love helping and working on things. What kind of things? I dunno. Tell me what you’re doing. Now we’re doing it. I don’t even care if there’s a product or end in sight. I just like to do a something, and in the process, try to discover what this something is or what else it can do if we did it wrong.

I wouldn’t call myself a boot-licker, but I’d totally work to find out what angle and pressure is most effective for licking boots, and then try to find out if it can be applied to ice cream.

My point being that you sound like a very special person with a specialized focus and set of skills. But those who are worried about productivity would still have freaks like me. The ones who can find the bright side of a turd, and even roll it up a hill if you can let me find the mentally simulating aspects.

Me: Choking on a bone

My dinner guests: stunned after I bit into the whole Thanksgiving turkey and slammed my face into the table

Doc, you can’t just put cocaine in the frunk of a CyberTruck and call it a DeLorean!

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